Ending the End

Discontinuing Divorce Proceedings to Stay Married

by Michael Heath

It happens on occasion that during the divorce proceedings a couple will change their minds about ending their marriage. This can be particularly true when using mediation or collaborative divorce where alternative dispute resolution (ADR) methods are used.

A couple used to continuous arguments may discover that they are capable of solving their problems using ADR techniques and have a change of heart about splitting. Another transmuting factor is that often, despite the problems in the marriage, one of the spouses never wanted to divorce, anyway. Couples are often cautioned that mediation or collaborative law is not marriage counseling. But if ADR sessions or some other consideration results in the couple having second thoughts about divorcing, then reconciliation may be a particularly good option.

Several Reasons for Staying Married:

• To save two heartbroken people
• To avoid divorce costs and the expense of maintaining two separate households
• To steer away from the effects divorce has on children
• To save the relationships between extended family members that were created by the marriage
• To retain continuity of a family-run business

Reconciliation May Have an Expiration Date

Reconciliation is better done sooner than later. The longer a separation, the more likely each spouse will become involved in another relationship. When friends and relatives learn of the break-up, some may take sides causing a greater wedge between the couple. New living arrangements are usually established, which will likely be harder to undo as more time passes. If a couple decides they do not want to continue with the divorce, they should discuss this with the mediator or respective attorneys. Since there were enough problems in the past to seek a divorce, the spouses should consider a postnuptial agreement. This is a written agreement as to how their affairs will be settled and assets divided in the event the marriage eventually fails. Children should also be consulted when putting a marriage back together, as they are an integral part of the family unit. The couple would also want to get into marriage counseling to work on the issues that brought them to the brink of divorce in the first place.

The Institution of Marriage

Marriage is a wonderful institution that helps ensure the cultural, societal, and economic well-being of both the couple and their children. Reconciliation can sometimes be a restart of something beautiful. If both spouses want to save the marriage, then each must take the correct steps and commit to getting it right.