5. Stay Involved in Your Child’s Life

Kids Need Their Parents Post-divorce

by Michael Heath

When a marriage with children ends in divorce there is still a family. It has just gone through a transformation where Mom or Dad no longer lives under the same roof. One parent may have to get a job they did not have before or find additional employment to help make ends meet. Break-ups such as these usually tax everyone’s schedule. Parents must be both diligent and creative to remain a most important part of their children’s lives.

Stay in the Know

For the one parent who moved out it may be more difficult to remain aware of a child’s activities. A mother or father should make it a point to get updated by the other parent on what the children are doing. What clubs or sports are they involved in? Who are they hanging around with? How are they doing in school? If an ex-spouse is uncooperative, much can be learned from the child. Additionally, a call to a principal, teacher, coach, scout leader, etc. will almost certainly result in much helpful information.

You Are There for Them

Kids need to be assured that lines of communication are open. This can mean phone calls, text messages, email, and regular get-togethers to talk things out. Driving a child to and from school or scheduling regular dinner nights allows time to have discussions. Let the child talk. Try not to judge. Be a good listener—which means taking in what is being said rather than contemplating a response. Children have a right to be heard. Caring parents will want to hear what the child says.

Conversations should be distraction free. It is best to have discussions in places where interruptions are unlikely. Workplaces or social occasions may not be the best venues to converse since there may be others who vie for attention. Such intrusions can make a child feel secondary in importance. Turning a phone off or putting it in silent mode in the child’s presence not only prevents interruptions but shows the youngster that the time together is a priority.

Not at a Distance

Everyone has either experienced or known someone who grew up in a household with a parent that was “distant.” In other words, a mother or father who lived under the same roof but was mostly disengaged from their child’s life. Parents can participate in their children’s lives from near or far. Today’s digital age allows many opportunities for easy communication. Whether at home or living somewhere else, parents have both the obligation and ability to remain a constant in a child’s life.