6. Keep Handover Times Free of Arguments and Hostilities

Good Behavior Must Be Exercised When Bringing a Child to the Other Parent

by Michael Heath

When young children are part of a divorce there comes the inevitable process of handing over one’s child to the other parent. For some, such casual events may be an opportunity to hash out grievances or belittle the ex-spouse. Such behaviors cause unnecessary stress to the child involved.

Quarrelling Affects Children

An Arizona State University study found that constant arguing between parents can cause more distress for children than the breakup itself. They discovered that too often kids process such animosities as a potential for abandonment. Children love both parents and hate it when they fight.

Think What the Child Is Thinking

Divorce is a tragedy for all family members, especially the children. All kids desire a loving, intact family. When Mom and Dad are no longer living under the same roof the child experiences a new dynamic. They likely miss the noncustodial parent and look forward to getting together with them. A parent who acts badly during a handover only spoils what should be a happy occasion for the child. If arguing is a normal feature of handovers, then the child will identify such events as stressful occasions. Handoffs filled with hostile actions have severe negative consequences.

Good Conduct Is Possible

Parents can each commit to comporting themselves appropriately when in the presence of their offspring. Agreeing to do so shows a team effort to act in the child’s best interest. If either parent is unable to be cooperative, then enlisting a grandparent or trusted friend to bring the child  could be a practical option. In some situations, using a neutral venue such as a police station to hand over a child makes sense. People are more mindful of their behavior when others are watching.

Sharing Is Caring

Divorce is no excuse for bad parenting. Mom and Dad both need to be on the same page when it comes to raising their child(ren). Making sure hand-offs are free of hostility and arguing is a good start.