Do Not Recruit Children to Your Side

Kids Need and Want Both Divorcing Parents

By Michael Heath

Divorce is an emotional process which often causes people to act irrationally. Some will use the children as a way to achieve something, even if they don’t realize what they are doing. A common tactic is for Mom or Dad to bad-mouth the other parent to get a child to side with them. This is bad for the other parent but can be even worse for the child.

Psychological Damage

 The first thing that divorcing parents need to come to terms with is that it is their divorce and not the child’s. Both Mom and Dad need to steer clear of using their child as a pawn, messenger, or encouraging them to take sides. The child has two parents and needs them both. To interfere with the other relationship is cruel and selfish. When both parents express a loving relationship for their child, the latter experiences less anxiety and depression and performs better in school. The opposite is also true. When a child is exposed to the details of the divorce or hears one parent’s derogatory interpretation of past events, that child can become uncomfortable and even depressed. The child is made up of half of the other parent so when one parent is demonized, the child may begin to feel that there is something wrong with them. It is very important to achieve a healthy parenting relationship with an ex. Doing so will certainly have a positive impact on the child.

Kids learn from their parents. If parents make the best of a bad situation by avoiding bad behavior, the child has a better example to reference. Just because parents are divorced and no longer live together, there is still a family. That child is counting on Mom and Dad for happiness and peace of mind. On the other hand, when children are constantly exposed to verbal assaults over the divorce and bad conduct, they may have their own troubles with future relationships.

Grandparents Should Not Be Off Limits

 A child needs both parents and the extended families. Just because a parent is embittered toward an ex-spouse there is no point in interfering with the child’s grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, et cetera. That is the child’s family. They will most certainly need and want those relationships. Allowing the child to foster relations with the ex’s family is fair to the child and likely very healthy as well.

Be a Good Parent

Divorce is difficult for both spouses and the kids. Changes can be dramatic, causing distress for the entire family. Mom and Dad should show maturity and leadership by avoiding the pitfalls of bad behavior. Seeking out therapy to deal with issues is always recommended. Loving the children while acting appropriately is simply good parenting.